BROS J AND THE ADULTEROUS WOMAN; John 8: 1-11.

 

1. On Sunday morning Bros J dey teach d crowd 4rm Sunday School manual.
2. Nai some uvwie youth bring one woman com meet bros J. Say dem catch her dey do KEREWA.
3. Dem say if we want if we want follow Moses way, na to kpuff her one time- u know say that guy get hot temper.
4. But unto who you be…na how we go handle the marra?
5. All dis one wey dem dey talk na just to find how to hold bros J for tight corner.
6. But Bros J ba bad guy! E jus bend down dey reason how e want take fall their hand.
7. As Bros J dey write 4 ground, for e mind e dey say: OMO SEE GOBE! If I do any how today e? I go see anyhow.
8. At once Bros J mind jus click, nai e smile lyk badt guy for last fight.
9. E say any of una wey get mind mak e throw d 1^st stone mak I see.
10. Nai e bend down again continue to write for ground. Meanwhile Bros J heart dey beat oo…mak dis pple nor cut rope ff me oh! (Na joke ooo)
11. Fear catch all d uvwie youth wen dem hear bros J ansa. Nobody tell dem b4 dem start to drop their stone one-by-one.
12. All of dem discharge leave only d woman and Bros J. Dem dey fear mak Bros J nor go call legion of angels to destroy deir generation.
13. Na wen Bros J raise e head up kon see say all of dem don discharge nai e mind come down.
14. E kon dey sharp mouth. E say: where dem na? liver fail dem? I 4 clear deir doubt 2day. (Na joke o).
15. Nai e turn face sd woman, ehen! Wey u? Shebi body dey scratch u? U nor dey fit siddon one place abi?
16. If u lyk makmu go kpake again, if dem catch u! my hand nor dey again oh!
17. The End!

THE TEMPTATION OF BROS J.

1) As e dey hot! Bros J siddon e own jeje nai Holy Spirit carry am enter forest go set exam 4 am.

2) Bros J choose mind agree to fast for 40days and 40 nights. Afta e complete am…e eye kon dey red. As in e kon dey HHHHH.

3) Nai Devil gada mind…only am waka come, kon dey try Bros J patience. E 4get say ‘a hungry man is an angry man’.

4) E say if u be riri baba Godde pikin, Shenge dis stone to agege bread mak I see.

5) Bros J na sharp guy oh! E jus change am for man deve. E say u nor sabi read? say guy man nor dey hole e side wit only bread?

6) Say na only d correct yarns from baba Godde mouth nai be d koko? (But agege bread 4 dis condition nor be bad idea oh)

7) Man Deve kon look Bros J node head…nor be lie, u be sharp warri boy. U get mouth, but I nor go give up.

8) E kon carry bros J again go d highest church for area. E say if u beliv ursef say u be God pikin close eye mak u jump down.

9) me sef I read am say ur paale go send angels mak dem catch u lyk omomo…mak u nor fall lyk banga.

10) Bros J 1st look d distance well. E say: wey u, e go clear for your eye very soon oo…

11)…u neva hear say mak u nor dey test God temper? Sake of say e dey quick provoke (cc: consuming fire)?

12a) Devil nor still hear word…e get mind carry Bros J go top of d hiiigheeeest mountain.

12b) I nor even blame man deve, na Bros wey jus dey follow am as if na twitter.

13) Man kon show Bros J all d areas wey soft plus all d joli joli wey follow dem.

14) E say u see all dis arrangement? I go dash u every…jus gimme TWAILE! As in jus BUTU for me.

15) Bros kon parannoyed 4 man deve…e say b4 I close my eye open am fade comot here now!!!

16) Shebi u say u sabi read? U nor read am say na only baba Godde nai we go dey twaile for?

17) Wey u discharge comot here now, b4 I go change am for you!!!

18) Wen Bros J don pass exam finish nai some KFC angels begin land lyk Nigeria police afta d gbege don finish.

18b) Them arrange correct starch and banga soup follow body.

19) THE END.

BROS J AND THE WOMAN OF SAMARIA.

1. On a good day Bros J dey go Salem city for Warri but he gasto pass through Sameria.
2. After e don trek tire e kon reach Sameria near the land wey Jacob give Joseph.
3. Bros J don tire, e body don weak like dodo. Nai e siddon near Jacob well. una rmbr Jacob na, dat guy wey dey worrey dt yr.
4. As e dey dere nai one woman from the area kon com fesh water. Bros J kon dey beg her for water.
5. The woman say,Bros u nor know say our village nd una village dey quarrel? why you kon de beg me 4 water? ARE YOU A LEARNER?
6. Bros J say if you know who dey ask you for water ehn? Na you for even dey ask me for LIVING WATER.
7. She say abegi! U too dey show urself. U no even get fetching bucket not 2 talk of LIVING WATER; LIVING WATER KOR DYING WATER NI!
8. Bros J say this una water no be correct water sef. If you drink the one I dey talk about, water no go ever hungry you again.
9. As the woman hear that one nai she kneel down. Say Bros, I take God beg u give me that one, to fetch water don tire me sef.
10. Bros J say no wahala, just go bring your husband so that una two go drink from the living water.
11. D woman say Bros I no get husband oh- I am single and not searching dooooor!
12. Bros J say no be lie, I know you na, u dey change men like wrapper. After 5 men , you never still marry any one.
13. Nai d woman halla,Ibaaboo!!!!! Bros, how you take know? I dey suspect u oh! Abi you be Prophet TB Joshua?
14. Wen Bros J boys come back dem jam am dey gist with the woman and none of the area boys fit ask Bros J question.
15. D woman just run leave Bros J and e boys kon turn 2 evangelist by force she say mak una come see oh I don see d messiah.
16. D full Salem city community kon pack follow the woman dey come see Bros J.
17. Meanwhile, bros J nor gree chop d food wey e boys buy come. Dem kon dey wonder if d woman don give am gbelekokomiyo chop.
18. Bros J say make una nor worry una self. Once I do my papa work finish, hungry no dey catch me again.
19. When the crowd meet Bros J and hear am talk,dem confirm say im na correct MOG!
20. Dem kon believe am unto wetin dem hear wit their own ear and nor because of wetin d woman talk.
21. THE END
22. Join d new trend wey #waffibible #Scripturefor2day dey follow now. Everyday. Jus add me for bb 288AAA2A. Its not a small smtin
23. U go get the opportunity to translate 1 verse to pidgin english and we dey get plenty winners. D jolli jolli nor be small.
24. Ok na, take na, bye bye na, see u den. I go see una next week. MAK UNA GET BETA BETA WEEK. 1love.

THE PRIDIGAL PIKIN.

1) Bros J dey kill gist giv e disciples, e say e get one man wey get 2 boys pikin.

2) The smallie among dem kon go meet e pale. E say pale I don dis-father you oh!

3) Abeg gimme my share of the OSUSU make I find my level. No time.

4) Their paale nor even reject the idea sef. E jus divide d OSUSU as d smallie talk.

5) As e dey hot, d smallie carry e kaya from warri go Malaysia. Na there e join G-boys wey follow am buzz all the OSUSU finish.

6) When d OSUSU finish, alarm kon dey blow mehn. When hunger bellop my guy, e body tell am.

7) E kon dey squat with one OMOTOR 4 Malaysia. D guy kon turn am to pig farmer.

8) When d prodigal pikin don chop e belle full b4 e go give d pigs food chop. Nobody send am to give am food.

9) One day nai d prodigal pikin kon reason e life. E say: but my head nor correct oh.

10) Even my pale servants nor dey suffer dis kind suffer oh. Nai I dey here wan use hunger take kill myself?

11) I go go back to warri. I go tell my paale say I know say I fall e hand.

12) I nor reach who you go call your pikin again. (But if you fit 4give me e go mak sense oh).

13) Anyhow sha, even if na to make me one of ur servant I nor mind. Cos as e be so ehn, na only my half-life nai remain.

14) True-true e kon go back to warri. Na from far wey e paale sight am, nai e start to run go meet am.

15) E paale kon hug and kiss small suffer comot 4 e body. The pikin kon start to recite e begging speech.

16) B4 e even finish…e paale don tell e servants make dem go bring e designers kaftan and e golden ring mak dem wear e pikin.

17) E say mak dem bring d orobo goat mak dem use am cook correct ukodo (goat-meat pepper soup).

18) E say dis my RUNAWAY pikin don die wake up bcos of hunger, e loss b4 but ONLY AM WAKA COM.

19) Meanwhile, d senior pikin dey farm. As e dey com house nai e see say groove don enter party 4 inside their compound.

20) After dem gist am wetin dey sup…my guy kon provoke.

21) E nor gree enter house again. E jus petch for one corner dey look e papa with bad-eye.

22) E kon dey grumble; E say I dey here since dey form good boy, u nor throw groove for me…

23) If to say I know, I for kukuma collect my own OSUSU too na. Make e for nor loss.

24) Cos as e be so, na me kon loose 4 inside d marrer. Abi I tell u say I nor know road to Malaysia?

25) E paale say dis ur brother loss b4 but only AM WAKA COM. U suppose happy for am if u nor relate to BOKO HARRAM.

26) But hope say na joke u dey wen you say you for collect ur OSUSU run too? Nor think am oh. (My own).

27) If u want make Tyvfunny crack joke or speak big big english as MC for ur event. Call: 08065724614, tyvfunny.wordpress.com. Follow me on twitter @tyvfunny
THE END.

KINGDOM INVESTMENT SAVVY

Every organisation MUST be making profit in order to stay in business. And God introduced himself as the one who TEACHES us to MAKE profit. Is 48:17.

It is clear from that scripture that we have to learn HOW to make PROFIT. Just like learning how to make soap or perfume or beads etc.

From scripture we know that Gods ways are higher than our ways- There is a need therefore for us to learn his HIGHER WAYS of making profit.

God did not mince words when He expressed His ultimate will for the righteous: I will ABOVE ALL THINGS that thou may PROSPER (make profit)…3 John 2 (Paraphrased).
And we shout the loudest amen in church when the pastor proclaims blessings or prosperity upon us. What we have failed to do however is to CONSCIOUSLY learn Gods ways of MAKING profit.

Most Christians do very little in studying Kingdom Investment ‘Systems’.
However, I have observed that they make out time to study the world’s investment system which is a good thing. The bible actually admonished us to be business savvy.

Be business savvy and streetwise in a good way. These are the words of the master himself.
I have always wondered why the scripture says that the children of this world are wiser than the children of the Kingdom.
But I looked up that scripture from the message bible and it was all there. (You can read the full story for a clearer understanding).

Lk 16: 8-9 (MSG):

Now here’s a surprise: The master praised the crooked manager! And why? Because he knew how to look after himself. Streetwise people are smarter in this regard than law-abiding citizens. They are on constant alert, looking for angles, surviving by their wits. I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you’ll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior.

The downside of focusing on the world’s investment system is that we end up having more faith in the world’s investment system than in kingdom investments. Reason being we understand it better. And you know what you don’t understand cannot work for you. Whatever works is made to work by adequate knowledge/understanding.

Interestingly however, its only kingdom investment that guarantees 100% returns (Mark 10:30)! No other investment scheme comes anywhere close.

While there is a need to take advantage of both options, I think is crucial to PRIORITIZE. If only Christians would be diligent to LEARN God ways!

You will Succeed!
TYVFUNNY.